Half In

I might only be half in, and it worries.
I could be all in, but my heart’s then on the line.
Breaking it again will screw, my thoughts will grow pessimism.
It could be the most wonderful thing,
but it could be the most tragic.
Heart soft and fragile simultaneous,
History and the things your throwaway
mean little for a falling in full.
It’s always scary, but full-on frightens.
So many ruins left
Destroying feeling.
Destroying both kinds of feeling.
Are you ready? You aren’t.
Fervent hope it comes to you, in experience, in dream, in moral character
Trust in the intimate changed dynamic.
Dynamic change scares.
I’d gone Bad Girl.
I’ve done Soft Girl.
Please inbetween.
Never for me, never, except the challenge, and passive.
We still, after this, all this time.
My heart and my trust are fragile.
I couldn’t handle, sometimes I couldn’t handle.
So off to the corner, off to contemplate.
What I am wrong, how. What people are wrong, and why.
What, what do I want now? I want
trust and openness and monogamy.
I want something more for a person able to exude it; many do.
But your thoughtless your life scare me away, away far,
Far as it can go.
And run, I hedge, I realize the wrong.
I look, now, for stability; it’s that age.
I might in terror settle down. The work,
the work takes effort beyond the physical.
The wait, the wait, come torture me for a spell.

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